Traumatised for Life!!!

It will take YEARS of therapy to get over Bruno in that Elton John video. There are things I could go my whole life without seeing and that one is on top. Yuck!!!!

So....what happened?!?! I didn't even see Karina fall, I thought Ralph forgot his steps and she had to get him straightened out. It's weird, I wasn't even drinking while I was watching this. All I can figure is I didn't notice Karina fall because I was too distracted by the fins she had growing out of her hips. Seriously, I'm trying to hide my hips and she is accentuating them with fins. Random!!!

I kept telling Korie that Kendra looked like Bo Derek. I didn't understand what was up with her hair. I liked seeing her getting jiggy with it...finally a dance she could do.

I thought Mark and Chelsea were supposed to stop the gimmicks. What did being school nerds have to do with Walking on Sunshine? It makes no sense and was a waste. Me no likey!!!

However, I like Titanic, and Romeo's dance was fine until he sucked off Chelsea's face and I lost my dinner. What was that? It was like she was being mauled.

I didn't pay too much attention to Kirstie and Maks' dance because I was too busy trying to figure out what happened to all of Maks' hair. I'm assuming his personal manscaper got a little out of control and scaped his whole face. I feel like he looked like too much of an oil slick. He needed the hair on his face to give him that rugged look.

Whatev....who's going home?

It's time!!!

Thanks to everyone who made a donation to my team, I really appreciate all of the help. Sorry I had to get so tough. :-)

Now let's get down to business. I'm not sure if I'm more proud to be an American after last nights performances or if I'm embarrassed by their portrayals.

Sooooo Ralph isn't going to be casted for the remake of Urban Cowboy. Where was Drew Lachey to boot scoot when you need him? (By far my favorite DWTS dance EVER!!!)

Oh yeah...did Bruno really say "Give me sex man!"? Ewww!

The only thing I remember about Chris and Cheryl's dance was Len telling Cheryl she had nice Rocky Mountains. I thought it was America night, not Dirty Old Men night. What was going on with all that?

What happened to Romeo's BIG finish...I was waiting for him to pull the rabbit out of his hat. Maybe he could have been spreading the news about that.

Sometimes I just don't understand the judges. They are hard on some dancers then give Hines all 9's for walking around Kym. Maybe they were blinded by all the fringe on her outfit. So confused!

Kirstie's situation needs to be bulleted out here:

• I heart John Travolta, I knew he would show up sooner or later. Hurray!!!


• Thanks Maks for going the white trash route in your portrayal of America with your tacky tattoos. It's like looking in a mirror.


• Kirstie was not the American Woman but the American Gypsy. What is with that style they keep putting her in? I think the stylists hate her.

Moving On...

Dear Kendra,

Thanks for ruining the 1000th dance by being the Yankee Doodle Dope. Your dance was lame. And yes, that was me being too hard on you.

Looks like Chelsea was ready to party with Mylie in the USA with that foe-Superwoman outfit. Nice!!!

Have a great week everyone.

Not Yet!!!

You were probably expecting a rant about DWTS weren't you? Yeah, well...let's make a deal!!!

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Thank you for your help. The prepared rant may follow depending on your reaction.


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Classical Week Sucks!!!!

At first I was sad that I missed the first 45 minutes, then I realized how grateful I was...I don't like the classical stuff...it's stupid!!!

Anyway, what's the deal with Petra? The show is Dancing With the Stars not Rolling on the Floor Like an Idiot. Seriously...why wasn't she dancing?

I just want to thank Ralph for expressing my thoughts in his dance, I totally wanted to cry too.

I really wish Kym would stop picking her outfits from my lingerie drawer, I was totally going to wear that to bed tonight.

Excuse me...Chelsea....you got a bird stuck in your hair while you were dancing with Harry Potter. That's weird!

Did Chris and Cheryl even dance? I couldn't get past his creepy mustache. BTW: Going from Charlie Brown to Charlie Sheen isn't really an improvement so I'm not really sure what that was about.

The classical gypsy just can't catch a break. Last week her partner pulls a muscle, this week she has no voice and loses a shoe. I can't wait to see what up with Gypsy Kirstie next week.

Till then.....

What the heck?

I THOUGHT I posted an awesome blog last night....guess not. Where the heck did that thing go? Anyway.... The DJ may have saved her life but he did nothing for her dance skills. Wendy seems to keep getting worse...how is that even possible? I can't believe we lost Mike to that. Shoot!!!! Chelsea Chelsea, tell me you love me...oh crap, I can't get that stupid song out of my head. I think if I dated a guy in a boy band my song would go something like...Shannon Shannon, get your ass up and turn the fan on. Guess I'm glad I didn't date a boy bander. What can I say, he had a picture of his dead mother. How heartless do you think I am? OK well....it didn't inspire him to be a better dancer. Ummm, excuse me, she's not that graceful to begin with, smoke was never going to be good idea for Kendra. And...I'm not sure it was the song that was dedicated to Hank, I think it was the striptease she did using Louie as her pole. Nice!!! So one time when I was in elementary school I was asked what my moms favorite food was and I said it was Hamburger Helper because she made it for us a lot. She thought this was hilarious since it was apparently not true. I'm wondering if Hines' mom was thinking the same thing when he dedicated his Dance Fever moves to his mom. I don't know, maybe she was inspired to be a disco dancer. Who knows?!?! Dear Romeo, how about you don't be there and try to dance to my songs? Thanks, Michael Jackson All I can figure is that the judges must be Grobanites and totally overcome by his song. Otherwise, why would they be so nice to Petra? She stinks!!!! I wish Sugar Ray would have danced in his Hammer pants. It would have been his prerogative to do so. PAINFUL.....I have a new found respect for Maks following through with that dance. He looked like he was in sooooo much pain. Great Job! That being said, were they running late for the show tonight because it didn't look like Kirstie made it to the hair and make up chair. 2 Words...Tore Up!!!!!! I have the greatest idea, if Maks isn't able to return from his injury can we please have Mike come back? I'm sure he could slip right in without missing a step. Just throwing it out there.