Traumatised for Life!!!

It will take YEARS of therapy to get over Bruno in that Elton John video. There are things I could go my whole life without seeing and that one is on top. Yuck!!!!

So....what happened?!?! I didn't even see Karina fall, I thought Ralph forgot his steps and she had to get him straightened out. It's weird, I wasn't even drinking while I was watching this. All I can figure is I didn't notice Karina fall because I was too distracted by the fins she had growing out of her hips. Seriously, I'm trying to hide my hips and she is accentuating them with fins. Random!!!

I kept telling Korie that Kendra looked like Bo Derek. I didn't understand what was up with her hair. I liked seeing her getting jiggy with it...finally a dance she could do.

I thought Mark and Chelsea were supposed to stop the gimmicks. What did being school nerds have to do with Walking on Sunshine? It makes no sense and was a waste. Me no likey!!!

However, I like Titanic, and Romeo's dance was fine until he sucked off Chelsea's face and I lost my dinner. What was that? It was like she was being mauled.

I didn't pay too much attention to Kirstie and Maks' dance because I was too busy trying to figure out what happened to all of Maks' hair. I'm assuming his personal manscaper got a little out of control and scaped his whole face. I feel like he looked like too much of an oil slick. He needed the hair on his face to give him that rugged look.

Whatev....who's going home?

It's time!!!

Thanks to everyone who made a donation to my team, I really appreciate all of the help. Sorry I had to get so tough. :-)

Now let's get down to business. I'm not sure if I'm more proud to be an American after last nights performances or if I'm embarrassed by their portrayals.

Sooooo Ralph isn't going to be casted for the remake of Urban Cowboy. Where was Drew Lachey to boot scoot when you need him? (By far my favorite DWTS dance EVER!!!)

Oh yeah...did Bruno really say "Give me sex man!"? Ewww!

The only thing I remember about Chris and Cheryl's dance was Len telling Cheryl she had nice Rocky Mountains. I thought it was America night, not Dirty Old Men night. What was going on with all that?

What happened to Romeo's BIG finish...I was waiting for him to pull the rabbit out of his hat. Maybe he could have been spreading the news about that.

Sometimes I just don't understand the judges. They are hard on some dancers then give Hines all 9's for walking around Kym. Maybe they were blinded by all the fringe on her outfit. So confused!

Kirstie's situation needs to be bulleted out here:

• I heart John Travolta, I knew he would show up sooner or later. Hurray!!!


• Thanks Maks for going the white trash route in your portrayal of America with your tacky tattoos. It's like looking in a mirror.


• Kirstie was not the American Woman but the American Gypsy. What is with that style they keep putting her in? I think the stylists hate her.

Moving On...

Dear Kendra,

Thanks for ruining the 1000th dance by being the Yankee Doodle Dope. Your dance was lame. And yes, that was me being too hard on you.

Looks like Chelsea was ready to party with Mylie in the USA with that foe-Superwoman outfit. Nice!!!

Have a great week everyone.

Not Yet!!!

You were probably expecting a rant about DWTS weren't you? Yeah, well...let's make a deal!!!

There is not one person reading this blog that hasn't been exposed to cancer, whether it's been you, a family member or a friend. So this is what I'm asking; please make a donation or join my team and help save lives. Even $5 will go a long way. Cut and past the link below and help make a difference.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY11CA?team_id=914425&pg=team&fr_id=31812

Thank you for your help. The prepared rant may follow depending on your reaction.


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Classical Week Sucks!!!!

At first I was sad that I missed the first 45 minutes, then I realized how grateful I was...I don't like the classical stuff...it's stupid!!!

Anyway, what's the deal with Petra? The show is Dancing With the Stars not Rolling on the Floor Like an Idiot. Seriously...why wasn't she dancing?

I just want to thank Ralph for expressing my thoughts in his dance, I totally wanted to cry too.

I really wish Kym would stop picking her outfits from my lingerie drawer, I was totally going to wear that to bed tonight.

Excuse me...Chelsea....you got a bird stuck in your hair while you were dancing with Harry Potter. That's weird!

Did Chris and Cheryl even dance? I couldn't get past his creepy mustache. BTW: Going from Charlie Brown to Charlie Sheen isn't really an improvement so I'm not really sure what that was about.

The classical gypsy just can't catch a break. Last week her partner pulls a muscle, this week she has no voice and loses a shoe. I can't wait to see what up with Gypsy Kirstie next week.

Till then.....

What the heck?

I THOUGHT I posted an awesome blog last night....guess not. Where the heck did that thing go? Anyway.... The DJ may have saved her life but he did nothing for her dance skills. Wendy seems to keep getting worse...how is that even possible? I can't believe we lost Mike to that. Shoot!!!! Chelsea Chelsea, tell me you love me...oh crap, I can't get that stupid song out of my head. I think if I dated a guy in a boy band my song would go something like...Shannon Shannon, get your ass up and turn the fan on. Guess I'm glad I didn't date a boy bander. What can I say, he had a picture of his dead mother. How heartless do you think I am? OK well....it didn't inspire him to be a better dancer. Ummm, excuse me, she's not that graceful to begin with, smoke was never going to be good idea for Kendra. And...I'm not sure it was the song that was dedicated to Hank, I think it was the striptease she did using Louie as her pole. Nice!!! So one time when I was in elementary school I was asked what my moms favorite food was and I said it was Hamburger Helper because she made it for us a lot. She thought this was hilarious since it was apparently not true. I'm wondering if Hines' mom was thinking the same thing when he dedicated his Dance Fever moves to his mom. I don't know, maybe she was inspired to be a disco dancer. Who knows?!?! Dear Romeo, how about you don't be there and try to dance to my songs? Thanks, Michael Jackson All I can figure is that the judges must be Grobanites and totally overcome by his song. Otherwise, why would they be so nice to Petra? She stinks!!!! I wish Sugar Ray would have danced in his Hammer pants. It would have been his prerogative to do so. PAINFUL.....I have a new found respect for Maks following through with that dance. He looked like he was in sooooo much pain. Great Job! That being said, were they running late for the show tonight because it didn't look like Kirstie made it to the hair and make up chair. 2 Words...Tore Up!!!!!! I have the greatest idea, if Maks isn't able to return from his injury can we please have Mike come back? I'm sure he could slip right in without missing a step. Just throwing it out there.

Nice Ring Bruno!

....could it have been any gaudier? For being such a tomboy she's a lot better dancer than Holly was. But....I totally thought she was going to eat it. The Hanks must be so proud! Chesticles...Really!?!?! When are they going to learn that Len doesn't like gimmicks? The Jo Bro's obviously taught her to dance. Maybe the mime gimmick was symbolic of her dreams of the Jo Bro's not singing anymore. Wait...I think that's my dream. Who knew that Chris Jericho could actually clean up? I think it actually helped his dancing skills. Petra should have left her big red hat on, it was a good distractions to her terrible dancing. I'm confused, were the judges blinded by her long legs? They said the nicest things about her dancing...what did I miss... I totally thought Kirstie was going to make out with Maks...it would have been worth it. Dear Psycho Mike, you are sooooo sexy. K...that's all. Dear Lacy, please ask the hair and make-up crew to do something about your root situation. xoxo - Korie Romeo, you are The One I Want....Nope Nope Nope.....you were fine but whatev! Wendy Williams sucks, why can't they just say that? Do you think she was going to try out for I Love Lucy when she leaves DWTS? Nice dress! OMG...why is this night not over yet....can we vote for the order we want to see these dances in so we can go to bed earlier? I have so many questions...please help. REALLY.....The Karate Kid named his son Daniel(son)...What the..... How pissed would you be if your dad named you after his most famous role? Do you think if he had a second son he would have named him Vinny? Oh yeah, nice moves Ralph. Sorry Hines I don't care, I'm out. Good night!!!!

The first night

I thought she was a home schooled Jonas Bro's actress didn't know how to dance. She had so much confidence and was so good. It's a good thing she was on the Jonas Bro's show so I have something to make fun of her for.

Neicy Nash, oh I mean Wendy Williams stop being a baby wawa...OK maybe 4's and 5's would have made me cry too. Did she take her lessons from Cloris Leachman? Poor Tony, I would have like to see him last more than 1 week.

Steelers - who cares! OK...his smile is so cute and he seems fun. Was Kym wearing her outfit from the Lion King ballet?

Petra, I want to have more sympathy for you but when are they going to learn that the super models can't dance. She just glided around the stage.

BTW...Carrie Ann is a liar, she didn't penalize her for the lift cuz she dedicated her dance to Japan, not cuz it's the first night. Carrie Ann is never that nice.

Romeo o Romeo, thanks for not being as cocky as I thought you would be. That's all.

Sugar Ray wasnt' bad for a guy how has been punched in the head for years.

Poor Kendra...Why couldn't they just give her a pole so she could do a good job? She really wanted to do good but it just didn't really work out for her. What did the Hef do to the girls next
store?

Why does the Karate Kid look like he is wearing a hair piece? What?!?! IDK...He might be the next Baby.

Michael Lohan, Joe Simpson, Chris Jericho...who knows, they all look alike. They all seem like pompous pricks too. Whatev!!!!

It's a good thing Psycho Mike is sooooooooo hot cuz he just can't dance. He didn't know what to do with his face, should he be serious, smile, constipated, what? Oh, and Lacey...pick a hair color, your roots look like crap.

Kirstie can stay for the sheer entertainment alone. She cracks me up.


P.S. What the heck was attached to Brooks dress? Was it a hat, a hand warmer, a bow...what?