Traumatised for Life!!!

It will take YEARS of therapy to get over Bruno in that Elton John video. There are things I could go my whole life without seeing and that one is on top. Yuck!!!!

So....what happened?!?! I didn't even see Karina fall, I thought Ralph forgot his steps and she had to get him straightened out. It's weird, I wasn't even drinking while I was watching this. All I can figure is I didn't notice Karina fall because I was too distracted by the fins she had growing out of her hips. Seriously, I'm trying to hide my hips and she is accentuating them with fins. Random!!!

I kept telling Korie that Kendra looked like Bo Derek. I didn't understand what was up with her hair. I liked seeing her getting jiggy with it...finally a dance she could do.

I thought Mark and Chelsea were supposed to stop the gimmicks. What did being school nerds have to do with Walking on Sunshine? It makes no sense and was a waste. Me no likey!!!

However, I like Titanic, and Romeo's dance was fine until he sucked off Chelsea's face and I lost my dinner. What was that? It was like she was being mauled.

I didn't pay too much attention to Kirstie and Maks' dance because I was too busy trying to figure out what happened to all of Maks' hair. I'm assuming his personal manscaper got a little out of control and scaped his whole face. I feel like he looked like too much of an oil slick. He needed the hair on his face to give him that rugged look.

Whatev....who's going home?

It's time!!!

Thanks to everyone who made a donation to my team, I really appreciate all of the help. Sorry I had to get so tough. :-)

Now let's get down to business. I'm not sure if I'm more proud to be an American after last nights performances or if I'm embarrassed by their portrayals.

Sooooo Ralph isn't going to be casted for the remake of Urban Cowboy. Where was Drew Lachey to boot scoot when you need him? (By far my favorite DWTS dance EVER!!!)

Oh yeah...did Bruno really say "Give me sex man!"? Ewww!

The only thing I remember about Chris and Cheryl's dance was Len telling Cheryl she had nice Rocky Mountains. I thought it was America night, not Dirty Old Men night. What was going on with all that?

What happened to Romeo's BIG finish...I was waiting for him to pull the rabbit out of his hat. Maybe he could have been spreading the news about that.

Sometimes I just don't understand the judges. They are hard on some dancers then give Hines all 9's for walking around Kym. Maybe they were blinded by all the fringe on her outfit. So confused!

Kirstie's situation needs to be bulleted out here:

• I heart John Travolta, I knew he would show up sooner or later. Hurray!!!


• Thanks Maks for going the white trash route in your portrayal of America with your tacky tattoos. It's like looking in a mirror.


• Kirstie was not the American Woman but the American Gypsy. What is with that style they keep putting her in? I think the stylists hate her.

Moving On...

Dear Kendra,

Thanks for ruining the 1000th dance by being the Yankee Doodle Dope. Your dance was lame. And yes, that was me being too hard on you.

Looks like Chelsea was ready to party with Mylie in the USA with that foe-Superwoman outfit. Nice!!!

Have a great week everyone.

Not Yet!!!

You were probably expecting a rant about DWTS weren't you? Yeah, well...let's make a deal!!!

There is not one person reading this blog that hasn't been exposed to cancer, whether it's been you, a family member or a friend. So this is what I'm asking; please make a donation or join my team and help save lives. Even $5 will go a long way. Cut and past the link below and help make a difference.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY11CA?team_id=914425&pg=team&fr_id=31812

Thank you for your help. The prepared rant may follow depending on your reaction.


Our Be Love Too Commitment:
We are making a difference by teaming up to participate in the American Cancer Society’s Relay For Life. Saving lives from cancer starts one team, one participant, and one dollar at a time.

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Classical Week Sucks!!!!

At first I was sad that I missed the first 45 minutes, then I realized how grateful I was...I don't like the classical stuff...it's stupid!!!

Anyway, what's the deal with Petra? The show is Dancing With the Stars not Rolling on the Floor Like an Idiot. Seriously...why wasn't she dancing?

I just want to thank Ralph for expressing my thoughts in his dance, I totally wanted to cry too.

I really wish Kym would stop picking her outfits from my lingerie drawer, I was totally going to wear that to bed tonight.

Excuse me...Chelsea....you got a bird stuck in your hair while you were dancing with Harry Potter. That's weird!

Did Chris and Cheryl even dance? I couldn't get past his creepy mustache. BTW: Going from Charlie Brown to Charlie Sheen isn't really an improvement so I'm not really sure what that was about.

The classical gypsy just can't catch a break. Last week her partner pulls a muscle, this week she has no voice and loses a shoe. I can't wait to see what up with Gypsy Kirstie next week.

Till then.....

What the heck?

I THOUGHT I posted an awesome blog last night....guess not. Where the heck did that thing go? Anyway.... The DJ may have saved her life but he did nothing for her dance skills. Wendy seems to keep getting worse...how is that even possible? I can't believe we lost Mike to that. Shoot!!!! Chelsea Chelsea, tell me you love me...oh crap, I can't get that stupid song out of my head. I think if I dated a guy in a boy band my song would go something like...Shannon Shannon, get your ass up and turn the fan on. Guess I'm glad I didn't date a boy bander. What can I say, he had a picture of his dead mother. How heartless do you think I am? OK well....it didn't inspire him to be a better dancer. Ummm, excuse me, she's not that graceful to begin with, smoke was never going to be good idea for Kendra. And...I'm not sure it was the song that was dedicated to Hank, I think it was the striptease she did using Louie as her pole. Nice!!! So one time when I was in elementary school I was asked what my moms favorite food was and I said it was Hamburger Helper because she made it for us a lot. She thought this was hilarious since it was apparently not true. I'm wondering if Hines' mom was thinking the same thing when he dedicated his Dance Fever moves to his mom. I don't know, maybe she was inspired to be a disco dancer. Who knows?!?! Dear Romeo, how about you don't be there and try to dance to my songs? Thanks, Michael Jackson All I can figure is that the judges must be Grobanites and totally overcome by his song. Otherwise, why would they be so nice to Petra? She stinks!!!! I wish Sugar Ray would have danced in his Hammer pants. It would have been his prerogative to do so. PAINFUL.....I have a new found respect for Maks following through with that dance. He looked like he was in sooooo much pain. Great Job! That being said, were they running late for the show tonight because it didn't look like Kirstie made it to the hair and make up chair. 2 Words...Tore Up!!!!!! I have the greatest idea, if Maks isn't able to return from his injury can we please have Mike come back? I'm sure he could slip right in without missing a step. Just throwing it out there.

Nice Ring Bruno!

....could it have been any gaudier? For being such a tomboy she's a lot better dancer than Holly was. But....I totally thought she was going to eat it. The Hanks must be so proud! Chesticles...Really!?!?! When are they going to learn that Len doesn't like gimmicks? The Jo Bro's obviously taught her to dance. Maybe the mime gimmick was symbolic of her dreams of the Jo Bro's not singing anymore. Wait...I think that's my dream. Who knew that Chris Jericho could actually clean up? I think it actually helped his dancing skills. Petra should have left her big red hat on, it was a good distractions to her terrible dancing. I'm confused, were the judges blinded by her long legs? They said the nicest things about her dancing...what did I miss... I totally thought Kirstie was going to make out with Maks...it would have been worth it. Dear Psycho Mike, you are sooooo sexy. K...that's all. Dear Lacy, please ask the hair and make-up crew to do something about your root situation. xoxo - Korie Romeo, you are The One I Want....Nope Nope Nope.....you were fine but whatev! Wendy Williams sucks, why can't they just say that? Do you think she was going to try out for I Love Lucy when she leaves DWTS? Nice dress! OMG...why is this night not over yet....can we vote for the order we want to see these dances in so we can go to bed earlier? I have so many questions...please help. REALLY.....The Karate Kid named his son Daniel(son)...What the..... How pissed would you be if your dad named you after his most famous role? Do you think if he had a second son he would have named him Vinny? Oh yeah, nice moves Ralph. Sorry Hines I don't care, I'm out. Good night!!!!

The first night

I thought she was a home schooled Jonas Bro's actress didn't know how to dance. She had so much confidence and was so good. It's a good thing she was on the Jonas Bro's show so I have something to make fun of her for.

Neicy Nash, oh I mean Wendy Williams stop being a baby wawa...OK maybe 4's and 5's would have made me cry too. Did she take her lessons from Cloris Leachman? Poor Tony, I would have like to see him last more than 1 week.

Steelers - who cares! OK...his smile is so cute and he seems fun. Was Kym wearing her outfit from the Lion King ballet?

Petra, I want to have more sympathy for you but when are they going to learn that the super models can't dance. She just glided around the stage.

BTW...Carrie Ann is a liar, she didn't penalize her for the lift cuz she dedicated her dance to Japan, not cuz it's the first night. Carrie Ann is never that nice.

Romeo o Romeo, thanks for not being as cocky as I thought you would be. That's all.

Sugar Ray wasnt' bad for a guy how has been punched in the head for years.

Poor Kendra...Why couldn't they just give her a pole so she could do a good job? She really wanted to do good but it just didn't really work out for her. What did the Hef do to the girls next
store?

Why does the Karate Kid look like he is wearing a hair piece? What?!?! IDK...He might be the next Baby.

Michael Lohan, Joe Simpson, Chris Jericho...who knows, they all look alike. They all seem like pompous pricks too. Whatev!!!!

It's a good thing Psycho Mike is sooooooooo hot cuz he just can't dance. He didn't know what to do with his face, should he be serious, smile, constipated, what? Oh, and Lacey...pick a hair color, your roots look like crap.

Kirstie can stay for the sheer entertainment alone. She cracks me up.


P.S. What the heck was attached to Brooks dress? Was it a hat, a hand warmer, a bow...what?

It's Time!!!!!

One of the perks of watching The Bachelor....seeing who is going to be on DWTS. The only other perk is hanging out with Korie (and Nathan, he watches too). Other than that, The Bachelor needs to be smacked.



OK, moving onto the important stuff.



I enjoy Kendra, she was my favorite girl next store. I hope she does better than Holly, although that isn't expecting to much.



I thought Mr. Miyagi just taught Danielson how to wax the car and paint the fence, I didn't know he gave him the secret of youth. Seriously, it looks like is still 17 years old.



How is Kirstie Alley going to be able to fit DWTS into her schedule? Shouldn't she be doing another show about losing weight? The best we can hope for from her is an appearance from John Travolta.



At first I thought they brought Neicy Nash back, then they said it was Wendy Williams....whatev...same dif.



It's nice that they brought in the legendary Sugar Ray Leonard but he's not going to look as good with his shirt off as the other Sugar Ray...Mark McGrath. Too Bad!!!!



Speaking of stripping down...Take it off Mike Catherwood!!!! Mr. Hotty McHotterson!!!! Why is he in radio when he should be on TV. Yummy!!!!



Dear Chris Jericho, didn't you see how bad this turns out for the other fighters. They always look like big Oafs...lame!!!

Then the rest of the "celebs" ( I use that word loosely), I don't even care to know about, they should all leave in the first week....Disney Kid, blah, blah, blah. Young Rapper Kid, annoying pompous, blah, blah, blah. Super Model, pretty, no dance rhythm, blah.

Oh, then to really piss me off they brought back Brooke. Why!?!?! She bugs. Maybe she will be wearing her Shape-Ups with her gowns since she got her husband a toned body for Christmas. SHUT UP BROOKE!!!!!

I guess we will have to wait and see what the rest of the season brings.

I'm Committed!

So you know I'm committed for your entertainment, since I still have something to say after working my real job all day yesterday, then boxing about a million pies and finally coming home to watch DWTS on the DVR. Enough ranting about myself...let's move on.

Who has a Bakersfield, CA sweatshirt? REALLY!?!?! Of all the places in CA you could get a souvenir sweatshirt, would it really be Bakersfield? Thanks Bristol for making that happen.

I will say she is better....but she still sucks! Again, how does she get the same scores as Kyle? She didn't even move her feet in her first dance. Oh ya, and nice outfit...I think I saw her perform that the last time I was at Disneyland.

Their second dance should have been way better. She is too young to have gone with a routine like that, (geez...I can't think of the movie title right now) it should have been bouncy and silly like Kyles.

Speaking of which, I loved Kyle looking like a pudgy Fresh Prince of Bel Air....that killed me. He is too fun. You could tell he was enjoying himself. I don't remember the specifics of the first dance, but I do remember it was better than Bristols. I'm still pissed!!!

Baby kicked butt as always...her first dance was beautiful. I loved her freestyle with her watermelon...I really need to watch that movie again. Anyway, her freestyle was so much fun and age appropriate (see Bristol..you should have paid attention). Ahhh....if she doesn't win I will just...........well probably whine because really...what else can I do.?

I guess we shall see tonight.

Semi-finals

How pissed was Brandy that she got the same scores as Bristol Palin for their first dances? I would have been livid! That being said... I was surprised after last weeks issue that Brandy spent so much time at the beginning of her dances not doing much. Isn't that what they were complaining about last week? Whatev!!!

And seriously.....I thought it was a solo dance, not a solo walk across the stage. All Bristol did was spread her bat wings and walk. Lame!!! And since she's all for the Tea Party, maybe for her freestyle she can do, "I'm a little tea pot." That would be perfect for her.

Speaking of perfect....Baby was!!! She is truly amazing, I have no other words.

I didn't start out liking Kyle much. I didn't think was going to get very far, but he has proved to be very entertaining. He really is a man-child. Kind of like the Brittany Spears song...he's not a boy, but not yet a man. Go Brittany...thanks for the profound words.

Anyway, I guess we shall see how this all works out.

!?!?!??!!?!?!!?

How could this even be happening...it's like we are living a nightmare!

Kurt's scores should have never been as low as Bristols and again....SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE THERE!!!

Do you think that every person who is still pissed off about Sarah not winning the election that they now vote for Bristol as pay back? WTF!!!!!!!

Dance to no music.

I'm not sure what to say...this is getting really tough. I am really surprised how good Kyle has gotten. I guess when you have Steve-O swinging his junk around you feel like you have to work harder.

Why do Bristol and Kurt get the same scores? She only puts in about half the effort Kurt does. At least he tries and really wants to be there. She continues to be a whiny baby and lacks effort. I mean she couldn't even remember the second dance without the music. I bet she doesn't know her ABC's unless she sings the song.

I thought Brandy was the b.... in the relationship but apparently Maks had a little something to say about his lack of choreography last night. Maybe he was just pissy cuz the news broke about Karina's engagement yesterday. Whatevs...Maks and Brandy were made for each other. Oh ya...and how did Brandy not know her Katy Perry song? What, is she new?

I was soooooo relieved that Baby decided to stay in the competition. I was worried for a moment that she would back down from the pain (and who could blame her). I LOVED how they started the second dance with a Dirty Dancing move. It brings back such great memories.

Is it possible Bristol wont get kicked off tonight????????

Oye!!!

Go Geez!!!! Not another week with her....I can't take anymore. Even Mark was shocked that she didn't get kicked off. He was happier than she was. How will she make it through next week....she can't dance when she knows the music so to do a dance and not know what the song is until that night....it's going to be a train wreck. I guess it wont be any different from her other performances.

I'm gonna miss the big Leprechaun.

Group Night

I loved the group dances but they did seem a little unfair. Kristi's group did not have the strongest dancers for sure. I'm still trying to figure out why Kristi and Apolo were "teams" anyway, since all they did was show up for a rehearsal. Whatev...it was fun seeing all the past dancers.

I was actually impressed with most of the dances last night, which really puts a wrench in my rant.

While Kyle ain't no Maks, he did a great job. I was impressed by his abs...nice drawing.

Rick looked like the worlds tallest Leprechaun...it was kind of creepy.

Speaking of creepy, Brandy's gloves gave me the eeby-geebies. There was just something not right about them. BTW: Can she be kicked off just out of spite? I really think she should be.

I have decided that I don't really care how Kurt does, cuz he's just so handsome and nice. It's really enough for me and he can stay a while longer.

Baby kicked ass as always. Can we just give her the mirror ball trophy now, cuz I think she is messing up her body by continuing.

Oh dear Bristol, you are a great big spaz. There is such a detachment when you dance, it's like you go to your bad place and space out. You are dancing for fun....not being tortured.

One last thing....I don't think I can say it enough. Why do they bring all these dreamy men back and let them hang out with their shirts on? Don't they know we need some sexy ab time?

Surprised!?!?!

I read an article this morning that The Hills' departure was a surprise. What?!?! They must not be reading my blog or they would know what's up. The only thing I am surprised with, is the fact that they didn't to a double elimination. WTF People!!!!

I also read that Tony and Maks are opening a dance studio together. I'm in! I don't want to dance, I just want to watch. They better be instructing with their shirts off....

Rock Out!!!

If Bristol or the Hills don't go home tonight...I might be forced to boycott the show. Seriously, it's time for double elimination.

How disappointing for Mark to hear Bristol say she didn't put all her effort into last weeks dance. WTF!!!! Why are you on if you aren't going to try?

The Hills looked like she was just stomping around the stage and I thought for sure she was going to eat it. Too bad...that would have been worth it.

I think Derrick was channeling his inner Adam Lambert and loved rocking the guy-liner. Thank you Derrick for not incorporating any of Adam's moves into the dance.

They need to stop being mean to Baby, I don't think she did worse than the Hills. I realized she stumbled but still, BE NICE...her training is in dirty dancing not ballroom.

Oh yeah, I was a little confused because it was Rock night, but I thought it was more like futuristic night. Everyone was in silver and heavy make-up. I thought they would going for a Gene Simmons thing. Whatev!

I love that Rick Fox danced to a Footloose song, but he didn't look like no Kevin Bacon. Shoot!

I'm not sure how Kurt danced, I couldn't get passed his burgundy get-up. BTW: What was the point of Brett Michaels? Really....of all people to help Kurt Warner??? Random!

So apparently Brandy's aunt Flo was in town, what a little baby wha wha. I thought she was going to pass out or cry like a little brat when she finished her dance.

I can't decide if I'm pissed off that they wasted the first 30 minutes with the top 10 dances or I actually enjoyed seeing them again. Oh well, I'll let you decide this one.

Name that TV show.

1. Who knew The Hills had a theme song?
2. I Googled "How to tie a sarong" and stuffing it in the waistband of your bikini didn't come up.

Things Bristol probably didn't know about the show she danced to:
a. They were also a band.
b. The years they were popular.
c. Couldn't name all the members.
BTW: she should have left the ape suit on because taking it off just made her dance worse.

What happened to Mrs. Brady....she looked like a train wreck. I feel like I expected more from her because it was the theme of her own show. Boo!

I loved Kyle's answer to the following:
Q. Have you ever seen Charlies Angels before?
A. Just the one with Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore.
Did he really think he looked like Bill Murray?

I just don't like Brandy, she annoys me to no end. It's not that she's really a bad dancer but I wish she would go away. So....Good Bye B, it's been real.

Thank you BFFy for knowing the theme to Hill Street Blues. That was a tough one. Oh yeah, and Ricky, you can handcuff me anytime.

BeWitched or space dogs...Really?!?!!?

I seriously thought Baby was going to dance to Leave it to Beaver, she sure didn't look like Peg Bundy.

So here's the Situation....

he stinks! I actually feel really bad saying that because I really like him...on the Jersey Shore. I realize he's not a dancer and is trying really hard, but compared to the others, No Bueno!

Why were they so mean to Kurt? It was his anniversary, shouldn't he have gotten a break? BTW: He's so handsome...I just want to kiss his face.

Speaking of face kissing and wanting to throw up EVERYWHERE....Flo, your (what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yeah!) spectacle was NOT APPROPRIATE! Thank you, drive threw.

Oh ya, Brandy: a) this is DWTS no a Toga party. and 2) when Maks tries to do something nice, play along, don't be a butt head.

The only nice thing I can say about the Teen Activist is...she's got a cute kid.

Did the Foxy guy even dance? I only remember making a comment about his head but I'm not sure he actually danced.

Baby is still my favorite, she can do no wrong. She looks beautiful and I can't wait to see her win.

Here's a story for you!

OMG OMG OMG...I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get this written tonight after the last dance. I can't believe Rick ran his hands up her arm pits. The thought makes me cringe. Doesn't he know I HATE arm pits! Lucky for you, I was able to pull it together and plug on.

So after the first 2 dances I was excited about story night....then it turned lame and I realized it wasn't going to end happily ever after.

For having cancer and surgeries in her neck, or where ever, I was really impressed with Baby. You could tell it was hard for her to get through the twirly things, and seriously..could you do it?

Flo's dance was sweet until it was geriatric porn and she kissed Corky. Come on ABC work with me, I don't want to see that stuff. Sexy abs, YES...Not Sexy kissing, NO! Thank you!

What's going to happen when The Hills has to dance to something fast and catchy? She only does those long slow dances and I'm not sure she has the moves to step it up.

The message behind Cho's dance seemed awesome but I didn't see her dance. I mean, I was watching the show, but I couldn't get past the gun belt thing she has on her leg. I was trying to decide if it was a tattoo or a prop. Either way it was RANDOM!!!

Thank goodness The Situations dance was futuristic cuz he danced like a robot. Plus, you know how I feel about mesh on the men. It kills me!

Could you imagine training with Brandy and Maks...it would be like welcome to Snatchville where everyone acts like an a-hole. What's with those two?

Weekly dirty thought...I will be Kurt Warner's naughty little princess any day.

Dear Bristol, I don't think you would ever give a homeless person a second glance. Your dance was unbelievable and I would like you to take your whole act and stuff it. Best Regards,

One final rant: All week I have wanted to send hate mail to Michael Bolton for being such a weinie about Bruno telling him he sucked. If Michael was really in that much denial about his suckiness then he should be thanking Bruno for being so honest. That being said...why is he singing in place of Susan Boyle tomorrow night? Really, they couldn't find a less disgruntled singer to bring back?

Tony's going to wax what?!?!

I know that I was stoked when the Hoff got the boot last week, so why was Rick Fox wearing the same pleather outfit this week? Does he want to be voted off next.... BTW: Did he motorboat his partner...I think so.

How many Dalmatians had to be sacrificed to make Michael Bolton's jacket? I bet it was more than the amount of points he scored for the evening.

I didn't know you could slut up a nerd routine...thanks for ruining that for me Brandy.

I seriously thought we were going to have another Marie Osmond incident. It looked like Baby was going to pass out for sure.

I really want to slap the wardrobe people, don't they know black is slimming. Why do they keep putting Kyle in these fitted white shirts? I'm mean talk about jiggly parts....where is Niecey when you need her.

All I gotta say is, I'll get into the Danger Zone with Kurt Warner any day. HOT!

Shocked!!!! Just shocked!!! I never thought I would see the day when The Situation could keep a jacket on for 2 hours. I was sure that thing was going to fly off the minute he hit the stage.

Dear Bristol, please go away, you bother me. Thanks, Shannon

P.S. Happy Birthday Julie!!!